Do You Have AMD?

Do you have AMD? Let’s find out, shall we? Just answer the following questions:

1. Do you like the water? (this means you like to swim, bathe in water, drink water….)

2. Do you love it when it rains? (the wet drops falling from the sky, the smell after a rainstorm,….)
3. Do you love to eat seafood? (fish, crab, lobster, shrimp,….)
4. As a child did your parents have a hard time getting you out of the bathtub or pool?
5. Do you consider at least one if not all of these movies great: The Little Mermaid, Finding Nemo, Free Willy, Shark Tale, Dolphin Tale, Deep Blue Sea, Jaws, Pirates of the Caribbean, Titanic, The Poseidon Adventure, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, or Moby Dick?
6. Is your dream vacation/holiday somewhere near water? (such as a beach, a cruise, or on an island)
7. Did you know that up to 60% of the human body is water? (brains have 70% and lungs have 90%)

 

If you answered yes to at least 6 of the 7 questions, you more than likely have AMD. What is AMD you ask? Well, it stands for Aquatic Mammal Disorder. This is a brain disorder in which the brain slowly believes that you are becoming an aquatic being. Before you start flittering around with Flipper, you should know the following:

 

Although scientists are unsure of the direct cause of AMD, recent studies have pointed to a chemical imbalance in the brain tissue. It is believed that those who have less than 68% of water in the brain tissue (due to the chemical imbalance) suffer from AMD symptoms. More research is needed to verify this. So far, AMD is not life threatening – until the person believe that he or she is an aquatic mammal, in which case he/she tries to live in the ocean or other water source and drowns. Do not worry. This only happens in 4 out of 5 cases.

 

If you feel that you or someone you know has AMD, please alert your physician for possible treatments – even though there are none available at this time.

 

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Fun Diagnosis: Do you have VSD?

Before discussing VSD, please take the following self-quiz below. This will determine if you might possibly have VSD.

Quiz: 

Do you find it easier to stay up at night than to get up early in the mornings?
Do you consume more liquids than solid foods daily?
Do you like cloudy days?
Are at least two of your teeth pointy?
Are you always cold?

Do you hiss when you are angry or threatened?

If you have at least 5 out of the 6 symptoms above, you may have VSD and should be checked by your physician.

VSD is the abbreviation for Vampiric Symptom Disorder. No, this does not mean you are actually a vampire. This means you exhibit vampire-like behaviors routinely. It is usually not life-threatening, but it can progress into VBD – Vampiric Behavior Disorder. (VBD is very dangerous and should be treated right away.)

VSD affects about 1 in 486 people. Most sufferers can go through life with VSD and never realize they have it. Symptoms of VSD are often treated with medication associated with other diseases or disorders, while pointy teeth can be filed down at a dentist office.  

When VSD is progressing to VBD, the patient could suffer from additional symptoms. These include: avoiding sunlight at all costs, developing a fetish for blood, flinching at crosses, avoiding garlic in any sustenance, and preferring to sleep in a tight (closed in) space.

If you have any questions on your symptoms, you should speak to a medical professional as soon as possible. Don’t let VSD suck the life out of you!

 

 

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