Dr. Carm's Fun Diseases and Diagnoses: Patient # 6: Ellen

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Patient # 6: Ellen

Don’t contact me, I’ll contact you is Dr. Carm’s motto. It works very well for a doctor of Dr. Carm’s standing. Anyway, today’s patient is Ellen DeGeneres. Yes, I know many of you are wondering what ails Ellen. She seems so healthy. Plus, she has a TV show! Well, unfortunately, not everyone can be as healthy as Dr. Carm.

Ellen suffers from

Random Happy Dance Disorder (RHDD)

Surprisingly, this is not the first patient that Dr. Carm has come across with this condition. A few years before she became a certified fake doctor, Dr. Carm met another person who would randomly break out into dance. She found the disorder fascinating and has been trying to locate another case to study.

RHDD can strike at any moment, which causes the person to break out in random dances, especially when there is music. (Please note that music is not necessary to trigger RHDD.) RHDD sufferers do not understand the reason why they must dance. They only know that they feel happier when they do. It also makes those surrounding them entertained by watching or participating in the RHD. This feeds into the disorder.

Also, whenever the RHDD sufferer dances, the whole world stops and she becomes one with all that is good and pure in the world. [What exactly is the “good and pure in the world”? Little baby kittens? White fluffy clouds? Chocolate? Dr. Carm doesn’t know. She’s too busy to worry about such things. All that matters is that it happens.]

As the dancer continues, she becomes obsessed to relive this wonderful moment over and over again. Unfortunately, the human body can only take so much, so either the person learns to balance out the dancing (hence the RHDD) or dies.

The source of this disease is still unknown. It is hard for scientists to catch and maintain such people to perform experiments and tests on. For some reason, shooting random people who are dancing with tranquilizers is frowned upon by law enforcement. Therefore, much research still needs to be done.

What we do know:
~ RHDD can be very contagious and those who suffer from it should be extremely careful in public areas. Plastic bubbles might have to be used on the RHDD sufferer.

- ~ RHDD can lead to other diseases such as OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders). For instance, Dr. Carm noticed one RHDD sufferer had an obsession with making milkshakes. [Ah, yes! Rozey made the best milkshakes…] Other obsessions can include things like caring for animals, playing silly games, scaring people, and underwear.